Funny, how I say things here I do not say to anyone.

Dear Joey:

My world outside this blog is much different. My interactions are either professional in a work environment, Very silly or almost entertaining as a social construct in stranger interactions. or with the very few people I actually interact with, very analytical and accommodating in either providing them insight on issues or events in the word or assisting them in other ways to make their world better. I just do NOT share much about ME.

There are times I feel melancholy, sad, frustrated with the world or events or maybe even my work but I do not ask for help or assistance or share those feeling anymore since T’s mom and I ended. Even then I was never able to accept compliments well or even let anyone take care of me when I was sick or sad or even asking for a ride home from the auto dealership when my car was in for service. I just did what I was told to do and sucked it up and did what needed to be done by myself.  

Yet starting with your imposter, I began opening up. Even when I found out you were not her or visa versa, I “transferred” the ability to share to you. It just felt right or OK to do it, as I had foolishly done it when I was still unaware of ho was who. Even now at least this blog, whether read or not, sometimes allows me to “share” parts of my life that I do not do anywhere else. I am anonymous, except for those you may have told who have long ago lost interest in who or what I am.  

I never wavered once I know the truth of your identity in believing you to be not just special but unique. When you appeared to be down in your social media posts or your lack thereof I wanted you to know that a complete stranger actually believed in you and that special quality I called you as they say in French that “je ne sais quoi” or that certain something , something. (Guess that’s where that expression getting some of that good good may have 

Several years ago you said people cannot KNOW anyone from social media… I disagreed then and I still disagree now in that a fundamental understanding of people can be clearly inferred from their social postings. Over time you can see how postings change and understand that “Occupational” constraints may in fact hinder some abilities to post certain things. For example your Social Conscious as well as political awareness are devoid in your postings when you formally launched you business with your partner and when you left the place of employment you had when we “met”.   And when your heart was bruised again your walls went back up and there was a time of sadness.

But then again I am not just a casual follower. That “transferral” led me to stay with you as did my belief that you could use a stranger who was not interested in getting naked with you as much as he was sincerely interested in seeing you develop you potential postings. 

A few weeks back I was contacted by someone who had read this blog and confessed they put their name in place of your . It was a down time for her and she had appreciated the feeling of being uplifted. I responded to her and told her that I wa catfished and that this was not a place where you and I had made any connection. What she responded with haunts me  a little. She was saddened by my response. The illusion of this blog had been such a powerful uplifting that the truth became a sadness. I wrote back to her saying that each and every person is special and unique in their own way and that I was certain she was more than she was believing in herself at the time. I never told her who I really was but my first name… and never exchanged any other e-mails. 

I love hearing from people how this blog makes them feel. but in this once instance I came to realize how sad it can make someone knowing the truth behind the inspiration I have tried to bring to you is actually a loneliness that I have for doing it alone. 

You posted a while back how you are too busy to talk on the phone. You wanted quick texts if there was nothing to “talk” about and how you are too busy in life for idle chit-chat. I understood in some ways. A woman who is rising up in her world and trying to keep a business afloat in an area she loves and a professional job like the one you have that challenges you and make it a busy time. And then I see you enjoying the sun and I am happy for you to find that private peaceful time.  

I was sorting papers the other day and came across you telephone number. I wrote to you about a year or so ago how you had mistakenly posted it to public view and should remove it which you did . I have never called you.. but I was tempted to the other day. One day I still would like to sit and talk with you… but that is just a wish. 

Yes, Kiddo,  I have watched from afar these several years as  you have come a long way as you approach the end of your 3rd decade on this earth…  but then I wondered if you were taking the time to smell the roses along the way. If you were engaging in some non work related discourse with people. If you had become myopic and so focused that maybe you are missing the world around you. But sometimes I read into things that may not be true. and sometimes I see behind the scrim and the forelight that hides the shadow behind it until the fresnel lanterns and leko lights dim . Sort of what takes place in the darkness of the strobe light and the ghost lamp at the back of a stage illuminates the figures as shadows upon the scrim… the detail is missing but the action can be discerned in 2 dimensions.   

Some would say I have no right to care….  and they may be right. Others would say I am a stalker or “creeper” but they would be wrong. I care for many strangers I encounter in my life, from all walks of life. be it in big ways or small I lend myself to many who I will never see again or meet in the balance of my life. that is how I am and I hope I will never change. 

I started this post wanting to tell you so much of current events on my life. The most significant makes me look like that muscle-bound Popeye the Sailor Man .. Seems I ruptured the bicep tendon in my right arm .. what is referred to as a long head rupture. I popped off my shoulder bone..  I literally felt it pop. I was advised by 2 surgeons NOT to have surgery as most people who do have lingering pain and discomfort and there is a 6 months recovery time ( I do not have time for that) . They tell me the pain  in my bicep and elbow and other parts of my arm will eventually diminish and even go away but the muscle slid down the tendon and popped up like Popeye or some weight (which I am NOT). Inconvenient given I am right-handed, and have to take care of T.  And even more so as my mother moved into a retirement complex as her Alzheimer’s is getting  worse and she will need assisted living soon. but that meant my siblings picked over my mother’s house and sent me a 17 foot POD  filled to the roof and packed to the door with STUFF.  Christmas, Easter, my baby clothes even my football helmet from when I was 6 or so…  and 70% clothes (almost half that still have price tags on them) and were never worn dating back into the 50’s 60’s and all the way to the present including not less than 300 pairs of shoes and over 100 pocketbooks. 

I was going to teach my daughter T about enterprise and run yard sales for a few weeks.. but I cannot lift any of the boxes yet and my house is now like the pod.. going down the hall I have not less than 40 varying sizes and shapes of Tupperware containers of stuff of every description I may donate them to some theatre groups for period clothing, good will, or churches in the area.. it is way too much for any one location to take in and deal with.. but I would still like T  to learn about selling things and having her own money . she may suffer from Autism but that does not mean she cannot lean and benefit from the activity. 

My business plan for the Hydrogen canisters has finally  gelled and if I may be so bold to say it is truly elegant … in all my years of developing plans for this and this one evolving over 15 years no.. this is my finest work. the only problem I have is getting the automotive company or companies to agree to dimensions as this will require a one size fits all and each canister will take a vehicle 150+ miles with 4-6 canisters per vehicle. But that I will figure out soon enough. If (WHEN ) it works out I would love to celebrate in your town….  but until then I have sufficient duties and responsibilities to keep me busy. 

Take care of yourself Joey. I still believe in you and always will and hope you benefit from some of my postings over the years. 

What would a good long post be without a MEME or 2… 

1/ You know you got it:

epic hair

2/ I do not create like you do.. but I do create in my own way. 

craeativity is the greatest form of rebellion in existence

You will ALWAYS have haters. Those that will try to tear you down because they are not happy you are succeeding when they are not.  Never consider me one of those: 

never blow out somone elses candle to make your brighter

It is not as easy as it once was to ascertain your state of being

Dear Jo:

It is not as easy as it once was to ascertain your state of being, but I have tried. Unfortunately I cannot write much as I ruptured the tendon in my right bicep  from the head that attaches to the bone in the shoulder and it has been very painful. I thought I needed surgery but the doc said I would not be happy with the results. He suggested I let it heal by itself and that the bicep muscle would look a bit deformed but it would still function. AS I am not a bodybuilder or otherwise obsessed with my body flaws I have decided not to get the surgery. It is very inconvenient for me as I am right-handed.. but for you not as much as you are a lefty.  

AS such I have decided to resort to a few Meme’s tonight.

Because I see you as nothing less than a REAL WOMAN., this should be for you. I know it can get lonely sometimes but I firmly believe not just in YOU as a person but that there is someone for you that will not try to dominate you but will actually compliment you in the most important aspects of your life.  But you will have to be ready to accept them, imperfectly perfect for you as they will be  they will stand beside you and behind you as you stretch your wings and fly to greater heights. I hope I am around to see that day.

strong women do not need they want you

Because I fancy myself a sapiosexual and because I want this to be the be the NEW NORM I offer you THIS: 

INtelegence over sexy

and last.. because a person cannot exist by intelligence alone (otherwise we would marry our computers and the internet) I need to emphasise that real substance is for the body, mind and soul… and a girl or “eye candy” is far from what is required for any REAL man … And as such I proffer this: 

girls ar eye candy women are soul food

I sincerely hope all is well for you Joey… that life’s twists and turns are just learning experiences on this great adventure and not burdensome on your spirit as it is your spirit that makes you such a beautiful human being. 

How Much Is that Pit Bull in the Window? Part 2

Joey: I decided that having the second part made it easier to read and as this is the SECOND article I borrowed it was fair to the original posters to keep them separate:

So here are more of those cute cuddly awesome Pit Bulls you love so much:


Pit bulls often struggle to get adopted from shelters, passed over again and again by people who could give them great forever homes.

Anyone who’s ever loved a pittie, though, knows that they’re sweet, loving and loyal dogs — and these stunning portraits of pit bulls show the beauty they have both inside and out.

“Jemma wants nothing more than to please (and treats. Treats are very good.)”


“I take pictures for our local humane society. This is Brandee the pit bull.”


“Photographed a fearsome pit bull yesterday … :-)”


“This adorable little lady came all the way from New Mexico for her second chance at love.”


“My name is Timmy and I’m #notabully! I’m a beautiful chocolate colored Pittie.”


“Pit bulls rule!”


“I hate when people say that all pit bulls are vicious killers, this is my buddy Reptar, and he is the sweetest guy I know.”


“My pit bull pup.”


“Beautiful Sasha.”

Katy Hall

“Pit bull made me awww.”


“Dash is one good looking pup who loves winning over the hearts of all those he meets.”


“Guess who got a home today? Diesel!! He is living large with his new family.”


“My pit bull pup, Lana.”


“I’m a volunteer photographer for our humane society. Meet Marty the pit bull, the new guy.”


“Because pit bulls.”


“If you’re looking for a new best friend, I’m your girl.”


“Achilles the 11 year old elderbull (pit bull mix) is a happy and healthy social butterfly who adores people more than life itself.”


“Just try and tell me you don’t want to kiss this face.”


“My Dad took a portrait of our gruff looking, easily frightened, extremely loving Pit Bull. Meet Omar.”

How Much Is that Pit Bull in the window? Part 1

OK Joey.. I saw these and decided YOU should see them: 

Anyone who’s spent any time with a pittie knows that they are just the biggest love bugs. Their big noggins give sloppy wet kisses and their big stocky bodies make for perfect cuddle buddies. It really is a shame that they have the bad rap that they do. A picture is worth a thousand words though, right? See for yourself in 12 photos why pit bulls are just so luv-a-bull!

1. Meet Darren and Phillip — BFFs and pajama bros for life!

Photo: @the_blueboys

2. Her name is Noodlez. I don’t think we really need to say much more.

Photo: @staffy_noodlez

3. This freckle nosed baby is Wilson and he’s nothing but smiles.

Photo: @wilson_the_bull

4. “Sorry guys, not my fault you’re too short!”

Photo: @pitbull_family_life

5. Bama’s jowly face makes for some pretty derpy faces!

Photo: @must_love_dogs_pitsky

6. They’re really just big babies.

Photo: @sookpit

7. Tongues out, guns out!

Photo: @morileymoproblems

8. Their smiles are contagious :)

Photo: @kingstonthestaffy

9. Be prepared for a make out session at anytime!

Photo: @murphyandsissy

10. “Look into my eyes, human. You know you want to rub dis belly!”

Photo: @bluestaffy

11. “Hey Mawm, do you think I could get a Frosty Paws over here?”

Photo: @marleyandbubbles

12. Warning: Looking at this picture for more than five seconds will lead to extreme happiness!

Photo: @roofusandkilo

Borrowed from

Way Too Many Hits Lately

Here and the other place have been getting an extraordinary large number of hits compared to the past few months… in fact maybe even the last year. 

I do not wish to be presumptuous as to why.. but IF it is a sign of needing some reassurances as to your worth and value from a stranger after all this year.. then I can only reiterate what I have been saying for these past 4 year or so..


I have met people from all over he globe. Rich and Poor; Powerful and Powerless; Good and Bad; Men and women and across the spectrum of humanity. Physically beautiful and those who lack in that aesthetic characteristic. I have met talented people and people with god and bad intentions. Introverts and extroverts.

People do not seem to realize how much of themselves they shoe ion what they post and even in what they do not post . For example you have become politically neutral in your posts.. but you used to at least give an inkling of your moral and ethical fabric and even your outrage but when you launched the production side of your business you stepped back from that.  Your neutrality gave you cover from those who would judge and as such might have even kept business from you. so it was a pragmatic conscious action.

Your expansion from on the floor to behind the scenes has been interesting. More responsibility in the new position . But that Sagittarius spirit seems to crave the adventure and need to fly and soar above to be that free spirit in your pursuits.. and then the need for financial security takes root and hold you to the ground. How difficult that must be for you. but at least you have the ability to have some creativity in a business you have familiarity with. 

I know .. everyone thinks I am still that stalker or weirdo.. and that is fine as I don’t have to deal with them. At least you should know by now that I have no bad intentions.. not fantasy of whatever. I am simply a dad and businessman who has his share of issues and personal troubles just as everyone else does in this world. Especially family back home problems. which while I would love to share them with you.. well this is not a good forum to do so. 

AS I said last week.. I never stopped believing in you.. or seeing you for something more than those peopled from all walks of life that I have encountered. Few people in this world have impressed me.. but you have always had that “Je ne sais quoi ” that set you apart. that special something something that is indescribable in mere words…. Your ability to engage people in and out of work, your artistic flair, your shoe fetish…lol…  your introspective posts on life and the world around you that you so rarely make anymore.. but is still inside of you.

The hurt and pain that you suffered in relationships in various areas of life.  you are not just an individual but a unique configuration of intricacies that have evolved into a special human being. Someone that I recognize as having an ability to do so much with your life as to affect a huge number of people in this world… IF you allow yourself to explore. So many great artists have been “Starving” artists on their way to greatness. ..  you have that greatness inside of you.. I have seen it from afar.. I trust my instincts.. I BELIEVE in YOU.. even if you sometimes doubt yourself.. I believe in you Ms Joanna Marie… and I want to see you become great.. even if you never speak to me… I want you to reach your potential in life. because I am a selfish bastard who wants to be right…  no .. not really… because I want a better world… and I want you to help make this world better for people like my autistic daughter. one that is more accepting and caring and helping.. and THAT dear Joey is a piece of you I have seen in the past when you posted freely about the world. I have been lucky indeed to have seen that before you hid it from the world. 

When this one particular business FINALLY makes it.. my net worth will be considerably more than I can handle.. and way to much to leave to my family or any individual.. I have been identifying people to help in this world that I believe can make this world a better place.. you know 2 of them.  I fully intend to do this sooner rather than later as I want to live a long time and see the fruits of my efforts. These people along with yourself will be given gifts that have 1 string attached… do for others ion the future and help them in some small way to achieve their dream and make this world a better place… and the best part of this “gift” is.. you and the others will never see me or have to deal with me in any way.. and THAT kiddo is how I will finally prove to you and them that I see your value on this world and want you all to be what you can be without having to join the army.

I currently still help some people now.. but not to the extent I want. one women I truly admire is from an african country I know well.. she has worked hard and is almost done her bachelors and has a desire to become a doctor and return to her country to work there. she is someone I wish you could med as she is very conservative and down to dearth and I accidentally made her cry the other day as she was getting ready to leave to go back to school. It was all over a card I wrote a note in telling her something similar to what I tell you.. that she has a great destiny and I want to see her fulfill it. she is the kind of woman every man would be proud to take home to meet his mother.. she is truly remarkable.  and so are you Joey!

 I had one “hero: in my life… and as I told you a long time ago I have had few true loves… and many responsibilities. I do NOT idolize people.. I in fact do not like many people as there are so many phones in this world.. meaning not only intellectually dishonest but emotionally dishonest and morally and ethically bankrupt. I am gregarious .. but I love returning to my cave with my baby to take care of. 

The difference between Morals and Ethics is easily summed up as “A Ethical man knows it is wrong to cheat on his wife.. whereas a moral man would not. ” We need more people with Morals… not in the old-fashioned morals but in right from wrong and good from bad and the dignity of the human spirit and the values of integrity. 

I wish I could say you are a hero of mine.. or at least a valued friend.. but you are not and never will be.. but that does not mean that I cannot be interested in a good way in your success in life as you have those ethics and mortals… and the feistiness to tell people when they are wrong. and so I want in some small way to make sure you have that opportunity to do that.. so I can have someone give you 20 dollars to get started. well in a year or so .. probably much more.. but I am not near that time yet.. you will see my name in the news when that time comes.. as I said before I loved my anonymity and I have to give it up to do what I want to do… having a dream comes with a cost that is not in dollars but in compromises it takes to achieve that dream in my lifetime.. just please .. if you get this never say anything to anybody about where it came from nor acknowledge me… I want you to grow Jo.. that is all… but then again.. I may be wearing thigh high boots and a mini skirt on main street here at 3 am looking to make enough to pay my light bill.. or not.. 

Maybe it has not been you in these visits.. maybe it was a coincidence.. but if it wa you and you wanted to know if I still believed in you and thought you have exceptional value.. than by this post you should know I do… and if it was not you.. and you eventually see this.. the you will still know anyway.. and I just continue to look like some fool.. and that is OK as long as YOU know someone believes in you outside your fam.. unconditionally. 

Be well kiddo.. no MEME’s tonight.. just my words for whatever they are worth.

You may think I abandoned you.. I never did…

I still visit placed to see what your up to. you seem to be doing OK.. and time with fam is good for you as the last year or so has had many twists and turns.. but know that I never abandoned you.. I still believe in you.. and look forward to that big turn in your life to do the things I know you are capable of… Always in your corner .

she is now and forever a princess

You and your friends think I am a bit strange.. .. I know I am in many ways… this next Meme is more about me but it could also describe YOU 

my soul is from elsewhere


and this one… well you know the power of self confidence.. and sometimes someone need to remind you  you are someone very very special… NEVER let anyone take that from you.. NEVER!!

when you doubt you can fly You will stop being able to


way to much going on in my life. some good, some bad, some very sad.. and some extremely exciting. My greatest concern has been anonymity in life… that will all change in the next year .. maybe even sooner. I will just have to accept I cannot do the great things I want in my life and be the Enigma I want to be. You seem to thrive in the limelight.. I prefer smaller intimate crowds of less than  10.  My TED talk later in the year will not let that happen in my way… nor will my inventive nature in my projects changing the world. I reluctantly will submit myself to that when the time comes. I am better on stage as a character in a play where I keep my persona to myself… but to achieve great things I must do what I have tried my whole life to avoid… notoriety.. hopefully it will fade.