SOO Happy to See More of You

If that means you have broken your slump that I could not be more happy for you. You have so much to accomplish in your life It is disappointing to see you down and frustrating not to be able to reach out to you.. despite having your telephone number I just never wanted to cross that .. what was it someone said a long time ago.. oh yes.. that invisible line. 

I have been pretty ill recently… I lay in my bed thinking of all the things I want to say to the world to stop the stupidity I see.. to try to reverse the hatred in this country  to bring this country to a more “Civil” union… and then my chest hurts more and I am unable to get out of bed to write or make videos or audio or ANYTHING to make this world better. 

I want to present a fully developed business plan to Apple and to Google showing them how while Elon Musk has great ideas, he is too soon in trying to implement his wonderful concepts. I can compare it to those who built HUGE Fiber optic networks in the 90’s only to have the price collapse because of over capacity and better multiplexing equipment meaning allowing more data to be moved over smaller bandwidth. Those bankruptcies allowed others to buy the fiber at literally pennies on the dollar.. and today there is not enough bandwidth. Elon is headed the same direction on several fronts  and the buying opportunity will be tremendous for various parts of his enterprise.  My Hydrogen refueling is the thing I hope they adopt as it can bring 50 B or more in tax credits and 25B PLUS in profits with a very very very small capital investment,  but I just don’t have the energy to eat let alone work .

On a personal note I believe you know of something I did last weekend. I hope you did not disparage me.. but it may have been too easy .. and that is a bit painful for me. I thought it was a nice gesture to that person… but if it was diminished because of my history with this blog I am saddened to my core. I hope I am wrong.. but my gut tells me otherwise. While I want to encourage and inspire you.. I really could have helped that person get to another level in a future life via academia or professional career. they have that level of intelligence that is not stimulated much in their current position despite their efforts at growing they need an intellectual support structure, and whatever you thoughts about me are.. that is probably one of my greatest strengths that I have proven around the world. 

I get very frustrated lately… I believe I have so much to offer.. to give.. so many ideas and concepts that I never communicated.. so many like experiences that so few have or will ever have in their life. and even writing this has taken too much out of me. It was a few years ago I was told I had an enlarged heart.. left ventricle.. and it panicked me.. and then I just ignored it.. now… well maybe I took too much for granted. I don’t tell you this for sympathy.. god knows that would be a waste of time… but I tell you this because I want you to know that if you want to do something NOW is the time… there is always the unexpected that can happen and take away from what you had hoped to do later in life. 

I seriously doubt I am at deaths door.. I will be pissed if I am… but I do think this is another wake up call for me to slow down.. or maybe FORCE me to slow down.. But Joey I will be damned if I will let myself become infirmed. I want to accomplish thing that few others can even dream of… I refuse to lay down forever and regret not trying at least… that is how I lived my life… make it big and get smacked down.. make it back and more and get bullied over.. make it again.. and find myself divorced and being a full-time dad first and losing most of that fortune.. but I never stop.. NEVER.  

Brandon Mullam (a Irishman) who was studying for his Ph.D. in Demographics when no one heard of that  subject… and I was studying for my Ph.D. at Wharton  , we had a lot of good discussion the kind most people cannot even fathom.. but at that time he said I have enough beat downs that I could spend the rest of my life in Irish pubs telling the stories and getting free drinks. Those stories I decided can also be used to show people how it is never too late to achieve something in life and even more important how never giving up and constantly getting back up and trying  again in different ways is the only way to LIVE a life. as I said the other day I life unlived is a life unfulfilled.  

I believe in YOU Joey.. you have that personality to achieve something others cannot.. and I believe in that other person who I believe can achieve a position of influence in a professional capacity to actually make a difference in this world. The two of you are different.. yet the same.. but definitely different in what I believe each of you can accomplish in this world. 

I have met tens of thousands .. actually MET them. Most are good people who live decent lives. They had potential to be good people and help others make this a better world.. like good neighbors.. then there are people who I feel deep in my soul.. in the very center of my existence that can make this world so much better than just good. People who have a very special something that makes them spectacular.. YOU are one of those People Joey.. and so is that person I tried to be kind to that now thinks of me as some fool. but I still believe.. in BOTH of you.. each with a future that will not be entwined .. but that can have a profound effect on society if both of you allow yourselves to be that individually I see in each of you. 

The one thing about being sick like this is that I feel mortal… and want to say things that if they are my last words that you and others can see for the rest of your lives… I have no intention of dying.. do not really believe I am mortal.. but I am pragmatic… and while this has exhausted me to write.. I feel a bit better having said it… and next month I can feel silly and stupid for making such a big deal of believing in BOTH of you but one thing is for sure.. I never changed my mind on you.. and neither will I change my mind on that other woman. I am firm in my conviction.. 

Hope all is well kiddo… and again happy to see you active again and smiling and apparently happy….

PS If you did not dis me  to her, than I apologize.. and if you did and ever reconsider and maybe say something nice about the real me .. I would be grateful . 

The Life Unlived Is A Life Unfulfilled

WHAT HAPPENS TO A DREAM DEFERRED?

:

Does it dry up
like a raisin in the sun?
Or fester like a sore—
And then run?
Does it stink like rotten meat?
Or crust and sugar over—
like a syrupy sweet?

Maybe it just sags
like a heavy load.

Or does it explode?”

Langston Hughes

williamchapmanwritings:

Tainted

I wish I had met you
when I was younger
when I still chased rainbows
and every day I looked
forward to something new
where my heart hadn’t
been tainted by heartbreak
and trust was something
you gave openly
I wish I had met you then
maybe we could have made it
maybe…

A brilliant mind, a golden heart!! I Love this writer!

There Was A Reason I Did NOT Acknowledge Today

The reason is simple really… I Do Not know what goes on in your life anymore… That does not mean I could care less… it just means that over the last year I have stayed turn down here… but never.. I repeat NEVER have I given up believing in you.. I have always told you that.. and I have always left the door open if you were ever so inclined to open any sort of dialogue. I wish you happy Birthday, Merry Christmas, Happy New Year.. but Valentines day is usually more symbolic of an emotion that I only held a long time ago when things were different and I was still raw. HOWEVER, do not be disillusioned as I used a very specific word a long time ago and was ridiculed for it.. but it is in fact a good and fair word… as I do not really know you in any other way… the word was Platonic. I do so love your spirit.. but I am not sure your energies are the same of late… your spirit, drive and desire to be alive was what I loved the most.. and maybe a little on the Curls… I admired you and your personality as I have mixed daughters… (girls with curls) .. and so when I see it lacking I wonder if there was ever anything I could do to electrify you again. but alas I feel I am more of a hindrance than the person who so much wanted to inspire you to bigger and greater things.

So today I made no wishes for this “holiday” .. now that it is over I still do not know if it wa good for you.. but if there was no significant other.. than I know  your family is the center of love for you and your best source of strength. so from that perspective I will never worry too much or too long on your down times.. but know that it does trouble me a bit when I do not see the girlish energy and exuberance I once did. I want to see that again soon Joey. You are your happiest when you are playing and I hope you play again soon. 

Check out the surreal work of Californian artist Paul Lewin. The artist (who was born in Jamaica and moved to the US as a child) is recognised for his fusion of science-fiction and  Afro-Caribbean folklore – most of his work featuring ancient masks, tribal motifs, and queenly Black women. Lewin states that he likes to “mix traditional Caribbean and African motifs with surreal visions of nature and the ancestry that surrounds us daily.” Explore his fantastical work, below. 

http://www.afropunk.com/profiles/blogs/feature-sci-fi-meets-folklore-the-work-of-visual-artist-paul

one of his numerous works I find almost overloaded in Symbolism:

Sci-fi meets Folklore

so much symbolism it overwhealms

 

 

 

Be well kiddo.

Bout That Hair

I understand your frustration with your beautiful Mane. I am sure I told you that T has that hair. When it is wet it goes to her butt and when dry without pink or other oils or leave in conditioners it goes to her shoulder blades. When oiled tho it has such gorgeous curls.. not so much like your but more natural Shirley Temple. BUt you also know that she lacks the ability to take care of it herself. I wash it and condition it and brush it most days.. and when I don’t brush it.. well long-haired dogs get mats that are easier to deal with then her hair. 

Once I had it cornrowed and braided. When I took them out for a deep cleaning I swore that she was a Diana Ross double from behind. I often threaten to shave her head… but I can’t do that to her.

I respect your decision to “chop the locks” ..  but I know that many more people than me will be sad to see them go. But constantly unclogging drains.. (and a homemade brew is better on your pipes than Draino) and getting through the knots.. I know very well how difficult it is to do EVERY day. 

It has been a signature look for you… I am sure you are reluctant to do it.. but you do as you feel is right.. as we all do. the only good thing is.. you can always grow it back if and when you want to. 

I hope your new position is working out well for you.. Never thought you would go back… but money is money. 

My current Local significant other will not go natural.. disappointing to me.. but oh well.. she was hands on nursing but now management so I guess she wants a coffered look… but it is not her hair I am into.. it is the WOMAN. But I think she is too good for me.. meaning not adventurous or freaky enough… but maybe that is what I needed… Someone who understand T and appreciates me and my quarks and my need to make her and everyone else around me smile all the time.. only ONE issue I am struggling with.. is it me or the material things I can bring… that has always been an issue since… well …. always I guess.

My eye is on the person I mentioned before. No not Miss September.. while physically she is what I like.. but someone else but noticing someone is like me noticing you.. seems it is a taboo.. and that has always been frustrating… given .. well let me leave it there.  If anyone know.. especially out there.. I would be condemned because I am real and not some phony. Heck I had to tell you to take your phone number down.. and I never called or anything.. because I am not what I was perceived to be… but it is obvious that most people do not understand how someone like me can be harmless and sincere at the same time. Enough of that I feel like I am writing a sob story.. and I am not.

3+ years and we still do not know where T’s Mom is.. but I have been surprised by the maternal Grand mother as she has called 6 times or so in the last 2-3 months.. just to check on T… never a mention of the mother.. so I am pleased someone on that side of the family has interest in her. 

3 years since her father’s mother died and he want to prison in Nevada for 8 yrs to life.. and we have not heard anything from him.. T is aware of his situation and has no interest in seeing him or knowing him as she has not known him in all 24 years of her life.. yes 24 years old.. and she looks 12.. but she is slowly maturing and Medicaid has provided me funding for her to get services that have helped me get some much needs rest as it has be 12 years since I became a single dad. 

Claire is still in Cali.. and happy.. Madeline is in France in Sophie’s old home in Nice’ and life goes on… 

You know I totally disapprove of that person .. but if you’re happy then so be it. For me.. I Still Believe in you.. that you are capable of so much more.. but you seem to be caught up in a situation that you cannot have that freedom to really FLY… and that kiddo, makes me sad for you. I hope to see you rise and grow and achieve what I believe you can achieve.. and I think you will go that way again someday.. strong and independent and creative and be that person I know in my heart you can be.

4 years Joey.. 5 if you count the Catfish season… You have to believe that I really do see something in you that has great potential.. I want to see you fly.. not with me.. but on your own and I really believe you can. 

 

OK… 2 AM and I am getting redundant… 

Be Well Joey.. and if you have someone even the person I despise… I hope you have a lovely weekend. 

Mature men vs weak minded males

Optomist does not worry about taking a step back  it is a cha cha

Fatigued!

While my favorite of all your models is/was Miss September (oh my she is stunningly beautiful.. and then there was a non calendar photo shoot with someone in your industry who really attracted my intellectual curiosity (never knew Miss September from that way.. heck I never knew her name so I could not make an assessment) Even so I am even to tried to talk to you if you called..

Today FEB 3 is T’s B’day.. SHOCKED she is 24… took her to the same place she had her FIRST drink and only took 4 sipes before saying her head was dizzy.. the bartender remembered T from 3 years ago and that is impressive  and she prepared a “better tasting” rum drink.. and hey I think she had 10 sips this time. maybe in another 3 years she might be able to drink an entire jigger full… I am still the luckiest man in the world to have such a great child as it could have been so much worse. 

T’s Mothers Mom called.. this makes about 6 or 8 times in the last 3 months. I am extremely happy for T to have some contact with that side of the family. It has been over 3 yrs now and we have no idea where she is.. but I did get a child support check a month or so ago gor $25 and 56 cents thereabout and nothing from her Bio Dad or his fam for 4 plus years…

A is in Argentina… later to go to Chile total work trip time is about 3 months. I may fly down to see her as I need a break and chilean wine with their Sea Bass sounds delightful.. plus it is summer there. although Africa has been drawing me for sometime… Namibia in particular…  we shall see

One fun thing about T.. she goes to IMDB and makes up cats for some of her favorite books that she reads, the comments from those that read the proposed casting giver her a lot of pride and satisfaction. Since I gave her the Kindle at Christmas she has read almost a dozen books, both e-book and paper. She really is a great kid Jo. 

This year is a killer already and I am leaving soon for anywhere from 1-3 months.. mostly vacation as I need a break I was hoping this weekend but may after V’day… even though I don’t have one this year.. I usually buy a bag full o goodies and treats and leave them anonymous…. Like what I did lat year with a single latina Mother of 2 young children who looked so harried I felt she needed an anonymous pick me up last year. She is a lovely young woman and to this day does not know who left all that on her desk ….I would do the same down your way.. but the haters just would have a field day.. and that sucks rotten eggs for sure.

Anyway.. you very quiet in the social Media I use.. hope you not with … well you know who… he really was never the right guy let alone man for you. I said it so many times I am a broken record on skip…

Dance like no ones watching because they watch thier phones

AS always I believe you have a destiny.. and you can fulfill it.. but you need to dance to YOUR Music not anyone elses.. including mine. 

I do hope you’re well and things and business are gong well. I am too busy to help you at this time,, not that you would use me…. but I wanted to make it clear.. too many typos.. gotta Run.. Take care Kiddo… be well Joey

I Always Knew You Were a Free Spirit

Dear Joey: 

You are much less active on the Social Media I have come to follow you on… I hope everything is OK… A month or so now and you seem to be distant from so many of the interactions I became accustomed to. Leads me to believe all is not so idyllic in your world. But never forget that this crazy old coot has and always will believe in you. I may not say it as often as I used to.. but I have for 4 years now always believed in you. 

The Free Spirit I know you are. A butterfly that can not live in captivity. The Wold Mustang on the plains or the banks of North Carolina. I does not matter where you are or where you’ll go.. you will always take yourself with you.. and your FREE Spirit will always long to soar. Of this I am certain. It is this spirit I admire and love so much that makes you YOU 

Free Spirit

Feed your mind as well as your body on a regular basis. You’re smart,  intuitive and can always gain something from holding a real book in your hands.

a woman with books

Wish you well Jojo